Kiss of Regret
by Sable Spark
Summary: Sai won't really disappear...will he? Either Hikaru gets a taste of knowledge, or the kiss of regret.


Hmm…I'm seriously wondering what kind of feedback this'll get. ^_^'' *Nervous Nervous* Well, considering the topic is a bit offhand (I haven't seen many fics regarding Sai's disappearance) and this is my first fic in this section, I have the right to. Plus most stories in the HikaGo category are so great…(wah, I have a lot to live up to!). Either way, though…I hope whoever reads this enjoys it, and if you did like it (or even If you didn't) then please review. It really is very greatly appreciated (and I'm not asking you to go easy on me either, just don't go out of your way to put the story down. ^^'').  Anyway if you've read as far as into the author's intro as this, you must be bored, so I had really better end this now. Enjoy!

                                                                                                                                                         ~ Sable Spark

Kiss of Regret

Part I. Preliminary Worries

         '_Hikaru...I will be disappearing soon!' _

_         I didn't believe that, and I don't. How could that happen? You said yourself; God probably gave you all the time in the world._

_         It's not true, is it? Is it, Sai?_

                                                               ***

         The bedsheets rumpled slightly as Shindo Hikaru rolled over. He was shaking. 

         _Aw, man! Getting creeped out by that one sentence. His worry is spreading to me. Sai can't disappear. It's me who's going to expire someday. It's me who won't return to some goban and live for a thousand more years. It's me. _His eyelids fluttered slightly, daring to open. _No, don't wake up. Sleep. You've got a seminar to attend tomorrow, and you need all the energy you can get. You can't pass out in the middle of a game like last time. _He drew the blankets in more closely around him, trying to drift off into dreamland once more. The room was quiet for a while, and by the stillness one might guess that the young go pro was already sleeping. Then..."Nuts!" He kicked the blanket off, forgetting his need to rest. "I can't sleep! Not without knowing!" He scratched his head, fully irritated, an action that caused his hair to muss up even more (if that was in fact possible). His eyes flickered to the goban, then to the silent, turned-around figure of Sai, which sat beside it. He scrambled out of bed, and began to stomp toward it, his concern heightening with every step.

         "Sai?" He poked his head at the other man's face. He was sleeping.

         Hikaru raised an eyebrow. _Jeez. How can he sleep sitting down? And do spirits even sleep? What a nut. _Despite his offhand words, though, the 14-year-old was grinning softly. True, he had resented Sai at first, ('who_ wouldn't be upset about having part of his brain taken from him?' _He reasoned), but time (and the simple fact that they were always together) had made their relationship grow, until they were like best friends, or at least close companions to each other. _I guess I won't disturb him now. _He sighed. _I'm getting worked up about nothing, really. I should just let it go. _He straightened himself up, stiffening his resolve not to worry. _Sai can't leave me. He won't. _He stretched luxuriously, then glanced down at the go board, where the game they had played that night was still in its place. _He really beat me badly. The game was cut short because I said I had wanted to sleep, but in truth, I didn't feel like losing. Losing the game..._He smoothed down his pajamas (printed all over with fives) and plodded back to the bed, yawning loudly. _...or losing Sai. Ack, quit thinking that! It's impossible. The only way he can leave me is if I die, and it's not like I'm going to anytime soon. _He paused at the window. The night was cool, the air was fresh. _It's only my mind that's messed up. That, and my room. _He smiled, looking around at the familiar clutter, the mangas and number 5 paraphernalia scattered on the floor. Only the goban and the two throw pillows placed on either side of it seemed neat. _I bet Shusaku was an organized fellow too. I hate living in his shadow. Why is he so much better than me, anyway? _

         He settled down onto his bed for the second time that night, thoughts swirling around in his head, dizzying him slightly.

         _Why did god choose someone like me for Sai to hold on to? _His eyes closed tightly.

         _And does god really intend for him to never disappear? _He turned on his back. 

         _Stop thinking. _He lapsed into silence. Fujiawarano Sai stirred, and turned around, his face framed with sadness.

         "Hikaru..."

                                                                                                                     ***               

_It isn't unlike me to seem so concerned_

_When its concerning you, because_

_I'd hate for a lifetime to just fade away_

_Without cause, without reason_

_Except for me,_

_Stupid me,_

_Which, when you think about it_

_Isn't exactly a good reason_

_At all._

_                                    ~ When I Think About You (As If You Were Disappearing)_

(I didn't expect to extend it into other parts, but I just can't come up with the rest right now. So the next installments will be coming up soon. ^_^ Not bad for a twelve year old, I hope.)

(By the way, the poem is mine, too.)


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